Growing Up...

Yeah, I'm going to do a lame "I feel weird thinking about my birthday" speel. But that's the thing though. I do feel just a bit weird thinking about my birthday. It's coming up within the next week and I'll be 21 years old. That's kind of odd to think of. It's like I haven't had enough life experience on this earth to be 21 years old yet, but here I am, turning 21 and still feeling like a teenager. At times I still feel like I'm 18 and then I remember that was three years ago. I'm no longer 18. I'm no longer a college freshman looking for my own place in the world and I'm no longer alone.

Three years ago I never would have thought that I would be married by the time I was 21. I never thought
that I would be graduating in about a year and a half and so many other things. It's amazing to think about how much I've changed in these past few years and yet I don't fee like I've changed at all. I'm still Ashley, I'm still the girl that grew up in a small town area, graduated high school with honors and somehow made it to BYU for college. But there are things about me that have definitely changed. I'm much more willing to try out styles of clothing that I could have immediately dismissed in high school. And I do know that I'm more...relaxed? Open? I'm not sure what the word for it is, but I am much more...myself, I guess. The person I might have allowed myself to be if I wasn't trying so hard to be different from everyone else in my family. Yes, I will admit, moving away from my family did help with the loosening up of who I had made myself to be in high school. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my family to pieces, but to move away from them did help me with some things in my personality that I had some problems with.

Some of my friends and I
our senior year of high school

Looking back, people always say that you have perfect vision. And I will agree with them. To an extent anyway. Looking back at my life when I was living with my family and looking at life now, I would say that there are some things that I might change, but I'm not sure I would. Who I was then has helped in making me into I am now. As you can see, who I was then, (look at said picture on left) a girl who hid behind others a bit, a girl who would gladly let others have center stage. At least, that is how I saw myself.

Richard and I now

Looking at myself now though, I can see that I'm more outgoing, and more willing to do things with groups than I was in high school. A way that I can tell that I've changed is one of my friends from church told me something. She said that I "intrigued" her, just because of how I dressed. When I asked her how this was, she said it was because I don't dress fully Mormon. And I don't. I don't dress like a Molly Mormon at all. So I was actually really glad that she said that. I mean, I still dress to meet modesty standards, but I don't dress how you would expect a Molly Mormon to dress. I'm actually glad for that as well. I don't want to dress like a Molly, as I am not a Molly Mormon. Not at all. Here's a picture of what I look like now, as compared back in high school. For one thing, I'm much more willing to dye my hair all sorts of awesome colors. I wasn't that willing to do so in high school. And I dress more like myself than I did in high school. I like how I dress now moreso than I did in high school as well.

So I guess in growing up these past three years, I've become more of how I am supposed to be and less of what my image of what I thought I should be. I like who I am now. Growing up has been interesting and I look forward to continue doing so. As long as I can still act like a kid every once in a while. What's the point of growing up if I can't still act like a kid? ;)