Growing Up...

Yeah, I'm going to do a lame "I feel weird thinking about my birthday" speel. But that's the thing though. I do feel just a bit weird thinking about my birthday. It's coming up within the next week and I'll be 21 years old. That's kind of odd to think of. It's like I haven't had enough life experience on this earth to be 21 years old yet, but here I am, turning 21 and still feeling like a teenager. At times I still feel like I'm 18 and then I remember that was three years ago. I'm no longer 18. I'm no longer a college freshman looking for my own place in the world and I'm no longer alone.

Three years ago I never would have thought that I would be married by the time I was 21. I never thought
that I would be graduating in about a year and a half and so many other things. It's amazing to think about how much I've changed in these past few years and yet I don't fee like I've changed at all. I'm still Ashley, I'm still the girl that grew up in a small town area, graduated high school with honors and somehow made it to BYU for college. But there are things about me that have definitely changed. I'm much more willing to try out styles of clothing that I could have immediately dismissed in high school. And I do know that I'm more...relaxed? Open? I'm not sure what the word for it is, but I am much more...myself, I guess. The person I might have allowed myself to be if I wasn't trying so hard to be different from everyone else in my family. Yes, I will admit, moving away from my family did help with the loosening up of who I had made myself to be in high school. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my family to pieces, but to move away from them did help me with some things in my personality that I had some problems with.

Some of my friends and I
our senior year of high school

Looking back, people always say that you have perfect vision. And I will agree with them. To an extent anyway. Looking back at my life when I was living with my family and looking at life now, I would say that there are some things that I might change, but I'm not sure I would. Who I was then has helped in making me into I am now. As you can see, who I was then, (look at said picture on left) a girl who hid behind others a bit, a girl who would gladly let others have center stage. At least, that is how I saw myself.

Richard and I now

Looking at myself now though, I can see that I'm more outgoing, and more willing to do things with groups than I was in high school. A way that I can tell that I've changed is one of my friends from church told me something. She said that I "intrigued" her, just because of how I dressed. When I asked her how this was, she said it was because I don't dress fully Mormon. And I don't. I don't dress like a Molly Mormon at all. So I was actually really glad that she said that. I mean, I still dress to meet modesty standards, but I don't dress how you would expect a Molly Mormon to dress. I'm actually glad for that as well. I don't want to dress like a Molly, as I am not a Molly Mormon. Not at all. Here's a picture of what I look like now, as compared back in high school. For one thing, I'm much more willing to dye my hair all sorts of awesome colors. I wasn't that willing to do so in high school. And I dress more like myself than I did in high school. I like how I dress now moreso than I did in high school as well.

So I guess in growing up these past three years, I've become more of how I am supposed to be and less of what my image of what I thought I should be. I like who I am now. Growing up has been interesting and I look forward to continue doing so. As long as I can still act like a kid every once in a while. What's the point of growing up if I can't still act like a kid? ;)

Helping Others

It's been a while since I last wrote. It seems that I had gotten into the habit of writing and posting on Mondays. I just wanted to post a small snippet on some things that I have learned these past few months. To help others is to do good. Even when you yourself are in the worst of moods, helping someone, even just a little bit, can always lighten your mood.

In the house above us, there lives a little old lady named Phylinda. These past few months, I have been helping her learn how to better use her computer and her new smart phone. This is really the first time that I would really get to know someone that wasn't my age, and not of my family. She has so many amazing stories to tell and there are many times when I have come to wish that I could record her stories. There have been times when I would wonder why I was helping her. But it was what would happen at the end of each session that I would remember why I was helping her. Phylinda would turn to look at me and say "I'm always so thankful that you're willing to help me. I don't want to be sanctimonious, but you've been like a guardian angel to me, and I've been so thankful that you and your husband decided to live here. You've been such a help to me and I hope that I have been some help to you in return."

Now, just so you remember, I don't help her for the glory of it. I help her because it's what I wanted to do. So on the days I forgot WHY I was helping her, to hear her say those few words always made me grateful that I could help her. Phylinda is trying to integrate herself in the use of all the technology that I have grown up with. What it nearly instinctual to me is a struggle for her. But she keeps trudging on and trying to learn all that she can. What I can do to help I'm willing to do. The bad thing though is that now that school is out for the summer now, I don't have as much time to help her as hours at my job have increased. And it kind of makes me sad that I'm unable to see her as often as I did. Though there should be a time hopefully that I can see her and help her again.

Now while this example of helping others is extremely close to home for me, there is another that I have that is quite dear to my heart. I have a friend out on her mission right now. She is my ABSOLUTE best friend in the world. There are seriously times, when she was still here, that I had thought we were soul twins. But seeing as she is now on her mission, it feels like I've lost my sister. Yes, we do write, quite often actually, and I've sent her a package, but it's not the same. Yet, I know that what she is doing is worth both of us feeling like we are missing something from our lives. She is helping others realize what my dad realized nearly 11 years ago. That while they may be satisfied with how their lives are right now, there is so much more to be realized with the gospel. Yes, it is hard and yes, there will be disappointments, but it is all worth it if she and her companions bring even just one soul to our Saviour. And I'm proud of her. And I'm kind of jealous of her at the same time. I was told all while I was growing up that I would make a great missionary. But then I met Richard. And while I DO NOT regret marrying him, I almost wish that I could have also gone on a mission. But when we're older, I do believe that Richard and I will go on a couple's mission. :)

Our Refuge and Strength by Morgan Weistling

So yeah...those are my thoughts of the helping of others. And a bit of advice. While it takes nothing to walk on by someone and not think if they need help, you feel so much better when you offer to help someone, especially when they cannot help you in return. Our Saviour was always willing to help those in need. He is our refuge and strength, if we but turn to Him and do as He would do. :)